You go to the fridge one morning and find the milk competing with the orange juice. Which do you choose? Or, do you reject both options and head over to the coffee maker for a hot cup of caffeine?
In a talent show or a competition such as the Olympics, judges critique and score to ultimately determine who wins the gold medal. While your milk or orange juice won’t throw a fit if you pass them over for coffee, the Olympian who didn’t win the gold or even a spot of recognition will likely be in the dumps for some time.
Negative feedback and rejection can suck, but they’re a part of the writer’s life and any aspiring author at some point must recognize that criticism plays a crucial role in building the resilience they need to keep forging ahead.
Accept it as a fact
Anyone pursuing an artistic endeavor soon finds out about rejection. It’s that painful response that comes, sometimes unexpectedly, and at times with the kind of force that makes you to re-evaluate your abilities. But if you plan to be successful, you must accept that rejection is part of the process.
So, if rejection can show up at any time, how can you stop it from it thwarting your efforts?
· Understand that feedback (positive or negative) is a bump on the road to publication. Every rejection letter or email brings you closer to finding that agent or publisher who represents the same kind of material you write.
I know this firsthand. As a beginner freelance copywriter, I prospected every week and it took me little time to realize that most responses would be a “no”; but sooner or later, a “yes” or “maybe” would come and that would motivate me to keep pushing.
· Instead of giving in to it, use it as a motivator. Shoot for acceptance of your work, but prepare mentally for the probability of a “no”
· Even if your work is accepted by a publisher on the first submittal, you could experience further rejection in negative reviews or low sales. Accept the rejection and commit to moving past it by changing what you can such as addressing negative feedback directly (Amazon authors have done this), modifying your marketing strategy or your sales copy.
Be gracious
The first assignment I ever wrote for compensation was returned with an entire page from the client, written in red type. I freaked out when I opened that email. But once I started reading, I realized he had simply sent additional background information he wanted to feature. Needless to say, it caught my attention.
Unless the recipient is mercilessly rude and hurtful, you should first thank them even if you disagree with part or all of what is said. Yes, it will sting at times, especially if you were certain they would resonate with their reader but instead, failed to make the intended impact. But why risk soiling your reputation over one critique? The feedback could very well come from a connected literary agent who can introduce you to a more suitable agent or publisher.
Bottom line: be professional and thank them for their feedback. Then, go make the changes. And if you need any clarification, just ask.
Blow off steam
“What’s wrong with them? Why don’t they want me?”
Rejection is often translated into an offense that must mean someone is rejecting you when they’re really rejecting your work in its current state. If you don’t check your feelings, you’ll end up bitter and in time, engender prolonged inward or outward anger and aggression.
Holding on to the offense can be detrimental; it will disturb your peace because it can temporarily lower your self-esteem and your IQ and lead to poor decision-making. So, if you let just one negative response debilitate your thinking, you might get off track and stay off longer than intended. That is, if you come back at all.
Instead of nursing your growing frustration, channel that energy into something positive:
· Sweat it out at the gym, on the dance floor, at the beach or in the steam room.
· Do something new. I took up adult colouring books last year to destress and it’s been a blast. (Still can’t stay within the lines, don’t tell anyone.)
· Get massages. At least your masseuse won’t reject you because they can’t—they’re paid for.
· Watch something funny. I get a kick out of watching reruns of 80s sitcoms and stand-up comedy.
Negative feedback isn’t fun, but it shouldn’t kill your joy.
If you take time to breathe and release any doubtful or negative feelings, you’ll be in a better frame of mind to revisit the critique (yes, you must do this to improve your manuscript) and better understand and willfully accept what was said.
Some writers put their manuscripts away and take a short vacation to get a mental break. If you can afford to, change your scenery. But once you feel better, remember to get right back to your work and be ready to make the required changes so you can resubmit your work.
Be conscious of your connections
Don’t connect yourself to those who neither understand nor want to support you in your journey. Not everyone will pat you on the back or blow sunshine in your face; only share the negative feedback, setbacks or criticism with people who are truly in your corner.
Don’t let it dampen your passion
Rejection is temporary and shouldn’t stop you from achieving your dream. If you’ve always been excited about reaching readers and helping them or using your book as a lead generation tool or as a launching pad for a new branch of your business, why give up now? As mentioned earlier, criticism is part of the writer’s journey and part of the dues you pay for the privilege of acquiring readers. It’s simply a stepping stone to publication.
· Post positive imagery and messages around your writing area.
· Mind Movies helps people in all types of disciples prepare their minds. In fact, I know some business owners who use it as part of their morning routine.
· Develop a morning routine to stay in a positive frame of mind. Prayer, journaling, reading testimonials or affirmations all help in staying focused throughout the day.
If you give in to rejection, it will eventually kill your passion, hold you hostage and keep you from trying again. Remind yourself often why you’re doing this; it will keep you going when times get rough and you second-guess your talent, purpose or even motive.
Don’t give up
Realize that there are others who had to climb their own mountain to success many times, so you’re not alone.
Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist (a flop in 1988 from lack of sales) went on to sell over 65 million copies and made The New York Times bestseller list for about six years.
J.R. Rowling’s publisher advised her to get day job because she didn’t believe one could make a living writing children’s books. If you know anything about the Harry Potter series then you know she crushed that myth!
Rebecca Skloot (author of The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks) received a stack of rejection letters and went through five editors and three publishers before the book was finally published.
Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight book was rejected nine times and ignored five times before the right reader came along. Inspired by a dream, the bestselling book went on to become a huge box office hit.
The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank suffered rejection fifteen times before being published in 1952 and becoming one of the best-selling books in history.
It’s true that most books aren’t destined to become bestsellers, but why should they? As a writer, your goal should be to create the best, most honest book you can. When you do receive feedback that’s less than stellar, your next job is to make the necessary changes to reduce your chances of further rejections. You’ll never know if your book will sell 100 copies or 1,000,000 unless you keep pushing and don’t give up.
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